BEHOLD, THE PROCEDURE!

IF THY WANT TO BECOME ONE OF US, THY SHALL COMPLETE THE PROCEDURE

This ritual is an initiation into the Clownbox. When you join It, you are crossing a threshold from the conscious, mortal existence threaded for your brain to comprehend, into the spectral plane of all subconscious. The Clownbox is nothing and everything all at once. When you initiate this ritual, you are transcending all time, space, and comprehension. You abandon your physical vessel and manifest in one of many beads knitted into the net that is the existence of Clown-Conscious. All moral obligations and visual perspectives are eviscerated from your form. Like a shattered mirror, your reality is scattered into an infinite number of different versions of yourself. These realities nest within the net of concious and drift apon the plane in phantasmagoria. The dimensions within the Clownbox are infinite and cannot be concieved by man.

“The Clownbox is a great hall, life is one of the rooms, death is passing through the doors, & the ever-existant compulsion of everything is the curiosity to keep moving down the hall, through the doors, exploring rooms, down this never-ending hall.” -Dylan Klebold, one of the original Clownbox advocates

Thus being said, follow the requirements of this ritual to truly be one within the Clownbox.

-The ritual must be performed at 4:20 AM.

-Walk outside and create a circle around you with any natural resource you can find (ig, sticks, salt, water, dirt, rocks)

-Face your head downwards and start spinning. You must do this for 30 seconds. Stay within the circle or your ritual will be broken. The spinning motion represents the “Downward Spiral”, an album worshipped by all Clownbox members.

-Once you are finished spinning, you must chug 16 oz. of Dr. Pepper. This is very important.

-You must deepthroat a slimjim. DO NOT eat it. This symbolizes self control, a very important trait all clowns have.

-You are now legally obligated to chant, “CLOWN OPRESSION IS REAL” for 3 minutes without break.

-After this three minutes, the Dr. Pepper will be inside your system and you now need to pee inside your circle.

-You fucking heard me. Piss on the ground.

-Now, after pissing, your circle is complete. The energy you manifested is now of large enough quanitity for the second part of the ritual to commence.

-This circle will act as an alter. After you piss, GET OUT OF IT IMMEDIATELY. You cannot taint the alter with your renewed, non-piss-filled-bladder energy.

-Find prey.

-Bring the prey to the alter and slaughter it using any sharp object (a blessed pissed-on knife is preffered)

-Now, after the prey is dead, you must lather your face in its blood. This act will represent clown paint on one’s face.

-For 6 days, 6 nights, and 6 hours, keep the alter. The prey may be discarded directly after the killing, however the alter cannot be touched. You must sleep that night with the clown “paint” on.

-Congratulations, piss freak. Time to gulp pee and worship murderers.

gohome